If Only in my Dreams

I have gone in stages of having nightmares about the wedding and then not having any for months and months and months.  I think part of the reason that they went away was that I am confident in my planning, I know that I am meant to be with SF, and I am prepared for something to go wrong at the wedding without it upsetting me.  Something.  One thing.  THING is a singular term. 

Last night, all hell broke loose....if only in my dreams....

The hair and make-up women arrived, too late to get anything done.  The dress was pressed, but somehow at least four sizes too big and it kept falling off.  The corset kept loosening itself so the whole ensemble wanted to fall off constantly.  My wedding coordinator did not show up.  Her assistant DID show up, but she was useless and actually made things worse.  The cake didn't show up.  My beautiful, expensive cake.  We didn't actually GET MARRIED!  We somehow managed to overlook that in light of all of the other things going wrong.  The dj was there, but his speakers were blown and he was playing everything we had asked him NOT to play.  My bridesmaids were there, but their gifts were at my house.  No photographer.  I couldn't sit down to dinner because I was trying to solve every problem.  It was horrible.

I have no idea what lesson could be learned from this.  I can take SOME thing, and maybe even a couple of things going wrong, but I can't imagine EVERYTHING going wrong.  It was too much to bear.

Plus, the night before last I had a really bizarre dream about Mr. N and Sifu that has got me in a tizzy.  I can't figure out my subconscious.  At least my rational mind is only now starting to break down.

Wish me luck.

Two fingers out

Creative Updates:

Writing: nope.

Photography: none.

Piano: sin updato.

Visual Arts: nada.

Kung Fu: Learned more form four last night.  Practiced it until I will hopefully remember it in Tahiti for practice.  Whacked my knee a little out of joint, though.  Had to ice it and then heat it while watching "The House of Sand and Fog."

Did I mention that movie freaked me out?

Distraction of Sand and Fog

So SF and I rented and watched "The House of Sand and Fog" last night and it is haunting me.  I can't get it out of my head.  It was a very wrenching film.  At first, my reaction was that it was not a dark as "Requiem for a Dream" but then I really started to think about it and it is freaking me out even more than that film did.  Because of my reaction to drug use, I almost thought that they deserved what they got in "Requiem" but I am more horrified by HoSF because no one deserved any of that, and yet they each could have avoided the inevitable destruction that ensued.  I can't stand injustice.  It makes me so angry I can hardly see, and this movie was filled with it from all sides, but yet there is no villain, and at the same point there are too many villains.  I can't get this out of my head, it is freaking me out.

I didn't sleep because of it.  I just want to save the world, but I can't.  I can't even speak Japanese.

Interpolation of Meaning

All blog posts should have good titles.  Even if they don't make sense.

Creative Update #2

I decided that "Boring Update" was a bad heading.  That just undermines the whole concept of trying to get geared up about creative pursuits.  "Creative Updates" though lackluster in its own creativity, is a better title.

Writing: Nada.

Photography: YEAH!!!  Well, SF and I went out this weekend and got our engagement pictures done.  I haven't seen them yet as we dropped them off last night at 9:30, but I have lots of optimism, which, as some of you know, is a far cry from my normal state of being.  I think some of them will be really nice.  Two rolls of color and one of bnw.  I hope that some of them come out.  If all goes as planned, we are going to have either an 8x10 or an 11x14 framed at the wedding to use instead of a guest book.  (Guests would sign the large matt instead of a book, so that we could have something to hang on our wall forever reminding us that 94 out of the 181 people we invited actually love us.  jk)

Visual arts: Zilch.

Piano: I looked at it the other day.

Kung Fu: Here is the unfortunate part.  One creative pursuit necessitates the lack of another.  I haven't been for four days.  I have a lesson tonight, but I still feel that Mr. N wants nothing to do with me, which makes it hard to find the motivation to go.  If I didn't have a lesson tonight, I probably wouldn't go.  I suppose it is for the best that I do.  Maybe I can see Ms. M.  I gave her green sash present to Mr. R but haven't seen her since.  I hope she got it and that everything went well.  She was going to have like a dozen people there, so I think she was probably covered.  None-the-less, I would love to see if she liked the gift.  (I got her two green, plastic glasses bc she likes champagne (on the run?) and a green lantern action figure.  I thought that was really funny.  I wanted to keep him for myself.) 

Smooth Getaway

There is no such thing as a smooth getaway.  I planned laboriously to be sure that I would have no major projects to complete or big assignments due prior to my wedding.  Now, after all of this time thinking that I would be in the clear, I am being bombarded with work.  It is as if the work is being created because people are worried that I won't be here for a month.  It is as if they think they can get a month's worth of work out of me in one week.

I loathe the corporate workplace.

Murder, Mayhem, and Make-up

So I had my trial runs of my wedding hair and make-up last night and the strangest thing happened.  I went to the stylists apartment downtown to have the trial done.  She is very nice and accommodating and we worked very well together.  A little over halfway through the trial, she gets a knock on the door. 

She didn't answer.

The individual on the other side of the door knocked again, more insistently.

She and I exchanged glances and she cautiously answered with her foot blocking the bottom of the door.  I couldn't see him, but his words were clear enough.

"We just found a body next door and we need to know if you have heard or seen anything unusual in the past couple of days."  He says very clearly and calmly.

We both pause.  "What?"  She finally exclaimed with extreme emotion.  "No, nothing."  Her voice was steady and unusually loud.  I imagined her eyes widening as mine were.

"Nothing at all?"

She reassured him again and then closed the door as he turned to leave.  She was torn between the obligation to me, her client, and her new urge to freak out and hightail it back to Ohio.  Her hands were shaking.  Hell, mine were too.  We talked for a second and then got back to the trial, as dusk was beginning to settle and suddenly we both wanted to be out of there before dark.

Then it began to dawn on us that the officer showed no ID and we didn't hear him knocking on any other doors.  She promised to call the police and report him as soon as I left, but we both nervously looked out the windows and back at the now closed, peephole-less door.  I tried to assure her that she could call right then if she liked.  I was happy with the make-up and the hair seemed to be going nicely, so I was not worried.  Let's call it a night.  No, no, she insisted, we have to complete the look.

Tons of stuff started running through my brain.  If he was a real cop, where was the CSI unit?  Where were the cop cars and the other officers also canvassing the neighborhood?  Why didn't he show a badge?  Meanwhile, I looked again at the stylist, who is beautiful, tan, well-dressed, smiley, and petite.  Stalker.  He had to be a stalker, trying to get into her apartment, but scared away for some reason.  I invited her back to my place until we could figure things out.  She politely declined.

We finished up the trial, she walked me to my car, I drove her back to her car, and I drove away.

Turns out it was a real cop, the body wasn't "next door" to her apartment, but rather down the street at a residential hotel, and the body had been there for several days.  They assume either illness or drug overdose, but there was no word of foul play.  Creepy none the less.

Boring Update #1

No cool titles or stories today.

Creative Updates:

Writing - Unfortunately nothing new.

Photography - Need to work this weekend.  We will see if I actually get around to it.

Piano - Nada.

Visual Arts - Nada tambien.

Kung Fu - Well, I did go last night, which is good because I REALLY didn't feel like it.  My hamstring has been bothering me, but I think trying to work the stress out (with lots of stretching and then some activity) will help more than letting it stagnate.  I have tonight off because of the hair and make-up trial anyway, so I think it will be okay.  Alrighty then, that's it for now.

Pressure Cooker

So I have a lot to do before I take off next week.  I have a weekly to do list that continues to grow.  It is actually starting to be a little scary, especially since I will not be able to work for a month.  I am actually trying to get the big things out of the way before I leave, but there are some things that I don't think I will be able to accomplish...scary.

I have also decided to start "creative updates" so that I can guilt myself into pursuing my creative endeavors more.

Writing:  Haven't written anything on Book 2 in a while, and still need to re-edit Book 1 so that I can send it out to more publishers.  It is kind of frustrating to be trying to do all of this while also trying to get married.  Hopefully I will be able to do some stuff by the end of the year.  Jay and I decided on a manuscript/screenplay switchoff at the end of the year.  I will still shoot for that, with the fully re-edited Book 1.

Photography:  Nothing for a LONG while, though Dains did ask for a picture for her apartment.  (Very bare walls.)  I was going to try and get out and do SF's and my engagement photos this weekend...I know, I know it is sort of strange to be doing that two weeks before the wedding, but I want to frame one and leave it out for everyone to sign instead of a guest book.  I can do the framing no problem, but the picture is a MUST, otherwise it just won't make sense.

Piano:  I was trying to learn some Rachmaninoff, but I haven't touched it in months.  Beautiful piece, though.  I pretty much just stick to Burgmueller when I want to play cathartically, and very rarely practice more stuff.

Visual arts/painting/drawing:  I bought a kids art set when SF and I were stuck in the Houston airport and did some on the fly portraits of the other stuck people.  Some of them were okay.  I would never pursue this for any kind of compensation, but it was strangely releasing to get back to a very tactile art.  There was a guy sitting by that was watching me, and when I saw him I smiled sheepishly and I swear he almost dove onto his knee and proposed.  He looked shocked and awed that I was doing the portraits.  The cool little art set, though, came with colored pencils, crayons, water color, markers, and oil pastels.  I know!  Oil pastels.  I thought that was too cool.

Kung Fu:  I am going to include this in the "creative updates" because it is an "art" and I am very bad at it, so it is also something that I challenge myself with.  I learned the first part of form four on Monday, and it is VERY cool, and of course very difficult.  There are lots of kneeling horses and cross steps. 

Singing:  Just kidding.  :)

BEST PART!!

I can't believe I forgot the BEST PART of the evening.  I was actually serenaded by a guy who was celebrating his birthday.  I don't even remember his name, but he sang "You've lost that loving feeling" to me.  HE WAS GREAT!!!  I was reminded by the pics that Dains just sent out.  Yikes.

Bacholorette Party Weekend

Wow.  Where to begin.  Dains came in on Friday night and we hung out until 2ish talking and working on various things.  She was putting together the bridesmaid and bacholorette gifts and I was working on favors and decorations for the wedding.  Relatively normal night.
 
Saturday started easily enough.  We got up and got ready and waited for Jay to show up so that we could get some food and head down to the spa.  We ate at a little cafe and then headed down to the spa while SF headed back to the condo to enjoy solitude for the rest of the day.
 
THE SPA
Not exactly what we had pictured, I imagine.  It was set in a mini-strip mall that was under a five or so story office building.  We missed it the first time we drove past and then found it on the second pass.  It was a little dark inside and there was no "spa" to speak of, but rather some rooms with various tables for massages or facials or whatnot.  Dains went in first while we waited outside in some chairs in a hallway.  There was a woman painting an asian landscape scene on the wall.  It was interesting to watch her for about five minutes.
 
Then I went into my facial.  WOAH!  I admit I was unprepared for the facial.  I had thought that it would most likely be a relaxing experience.  I was escorted into the room by a woman who we will call Natila the Hunn.  Nat for short.  Once I got used to the relatively brusque approach to skin care, I tried to sit back and relax and let her attack me with various creams, toners, rotating brushes and swabs.  I was unprepared for the vacuum.  The process begins with some chemical treatments meant to aid in exfoliation or deep pore cleansing.  It is not too terrible, once you get used to the abrupt manner in which she applies the product and takes it off.  Even with the brushes I thought to myself, "This isn't too bad.  Maybe I should just relax a little."  There was nice harp music in the background and I was finally slipping into a state of more comfort.  The first sign of trouble was the cacophonous suctioning sound the vacuum makes.  The harp music was lost immediately and replaced by a terrifying dance of sound between the vacuum while it sucks air and the vacuum that is clogged with the hand fat of Nat.  Once you realize that she is testing the suction "grip" of the device, it is placed ravenously on your skin.  Two phrases from films came to mind.  The first from Finding Nemo "Good feeling gone!" and the second from Wayne's World "It's sucking my will to live!!!"  I, of course, and alternating between wanting to scream out and wanting to laugh hysterically.
 
It gets worse.  After the sucking vibramatic action is over, the "extraction" begins.  There was no pore safe from the hands of Nat, and no stopping her merciless search for brooding blackheads.  At the time I thought she was about to break my nose as my head gradually and then abruptly turned away from her persistent claws as the pain intensified.  After the "extraction" I was subjected to a hot red glowing rod that was meant to kill bacteria.  It shouldn't have hurt, theorhetically, but it actually was throwing sparks across my face.  I would have asked for a calibration sticker, but the moment passed.  Then out she went and I was left to sit on the table with a cool wet cloth across my eyes as my mouth twitched intermittently into a tight smile as I tried again not to break out in laughter.
 
A nice French woman then escorted me to my steam cabinet.  I was told to remove my robe, which I was wearing over my little towel wrap thing, and to get into the cabinet.  I did as I was told.  It was not until the towel was soaking wet (along with my thong) that the French woman checked on me and began to cry out for me to take off the wrap!  "Take it off!!  Take it off now!!"  And so I disrobed with immediacy because it was obvious I was breaking some huge spa rule, unbeknowest to me.  Now, however, I have a pair of soaking wet underwear in my hand, a cheerful, but outspoken, French woman telling the whole spa that I have entered the cabinet clothed (which is apparently quite amusing to a spa worker) and a sudden attack of horror that I am going to be scolded again for holding the wet underwear.  I did what any sane woman in my situation would have done, and tied my hair back with my hair band wrapped around my underwear.
 
When I got into the room I promptly took it out of my hair and assured her that I hadn't been wearing anything else in the steam cabinet so that she would not make another story out of me for her friends.  She didn't seem to notice the underwear dripping on the shelf where my clothes were kept.  The massage was nice enough, but when it was over, I had a now cold pair of underwear to put back on under my jeans so that we could drive back to my house and the real party could begin.
 
PARTY
I will leave out the sultry details of the in-house party.  There were "toys" handed out, some "candy," and some unmentionables.  I was crowned with my princess headband and we headed down the freeway to our destination.
 
BAR PARTY
I will tell you what I remember.  This doesn't mean I blacked out, because I didn't, but there are some things that will probably slip my mind in the telling.  We arrived, got our arms stamped, and proceeded to order apettizers and dinner.  I ordered some jalepeno poppers and a burger with fries (with the intent of having some starchy food in my stomach to soak up some of the alcohol.)  I ate the poppers (with the girls) and then had to begin my tasks when dinner started.  I ate some and then pursued my first task of finding a guy named Steve.  I will lay out the tasks that I remember in no particular order:
- Find a guy named Steve, kiss him on the cheek and take a picture with him.  (Achieved with a guy named Stevie, most likely actually Estefan.)
- Ask a guy for a condom and the blow it up.  (Achieved with the purchase of one beer.  Thank you John.)
- Find three guys who will tell you the size of their members and write down their names and sizes.  (Unfortunatley, we got a bit of a view on this one...but achieved none the less.  Can't remember the names, but they are written down.  Three Australian guys.)
- Ask a divorced man three things not to do in bed (not achieved, very difficult task)
- Kiss (on the cheek) fifteen guys in five minutes (ACHIEVED!!)
- Find a guy with a mustache and Kiss him on the cheek.  (Achieved, though it was more of a goatee.)
- Get down and dirty with a beer bottle (actually used Smirnoff Ice, but there are pictures to prove I did this one.  I named it Mr. Smirnoff.)
- Perform a 45 second lap dance.  (Done.  Got a round of shots and a dollar bill out of this one.  Named Zach I think.)
- Do a bj shot off a stranger  (Done.  His name was Matthew.)
- Find a guy with white socks and kiss him on the cheek.  (Didn't get a name off of this one, but he was probably the most squirly guy in the bunch.)
 
And, if that weren't enough, that is all that comes to mind.  I did fairly well, I think.  Only one not accomplished, and only cheated a little.  (I used wait staff to help me, though they never came through, and we did purchase some beer for the one guy.)
 
At any rate, at the end of each task I was given an article of clothing to wear for the rest of the night.  These included a pacifier that was...altered to resemble something else, a lacy bra and panty set that tied on over my clothes, a garter, a veil, devil horns, and "prisoner of love" handcuffs.
 
Then we danced for a while with some new friends (one of whom has invited himself to my wedding to be Dains' date.)  Then we drove T home and apparently had some car trouble that I slept through and then got home.  I still had my house key and my ID, the former of which I used to get into the condo (though apparently the door had been unlocked) and we all went to bed.  SF had made up all three beds (sweetie) and we didn't have any trouble.  Dains showered and then I didn't see anyone again until the next day at 8:00 when Jay came in to tell me she was driving home.
 
Laid back day with Dains that ended in a trip to the airport and then a trip to the gallery to see AC.  It was actually a very nice weekend.  THANK YOU LADIES!!!!!

Obligation

I feel like I should post, although I don't know why.  I only have two readers at the moment, both of whom I know the phone numbers of and could just call.  I think what I really need to do is write some morning pages and get some of this tension stress out, without revealing too much via blog.  :)

Force to be Reckoned With

I sparred last night. Albeit not well, but I did it. I feared it, I conquered that fear, I tried my best to learn and fight, I was hit A LOT, but I did it. I am certainly not talented by any means, but I am driven. That, in truth, might be more important in the long run. I do need to work on my endurance, though. 1 minute of non-stop sparring (one-sided) is MUCH more difficult than you would imagine. After about 20 seconds you are starting to wonder where time has gone, after forty, you can't see through the sweat and all you can hear is "Keep pushing, only a few more seconds!!" and you think to yourself, yeah, but it was only a few seconds to begin with and now I am dead.

I do have the heavy bag at home, though, and that will be an excellent training tool. I need to start using it on a regular basis. The intense purple sash, Mr. N, wasn't there last night, but Ms. E was, and she was very patient with me and VERY good at what she does. After she sparred me she took on Mr. H again. She is incredible. So excited!!!

However, there is now a nice bruise growing from my elbow to halfway up my tricep. Tender to the touch. It was probably my nastiest contact, although I was also hit in the head and in the kidney (both illegal strikes.) Pain isn't so bad, though, and adrenaline is an AMAZING drug. I didn't even know that my jaw didn't work anymore last week in my last point sparring until I woke up the next day. Then it was very obvious. Still is rather obvious, especially after last night. I think it is worse off now, to tell the truth. No worries, though, it will heal.

Give me a few months and I will become a force to be reckoned with. Of this I am now certain.

Kung Fu Nation

So I am REALLY nervous about inviting Mr. N to my wedding...and yet I already gave him the invitation. He has to check on protocol from the school. They have rules about not fraternizing with the students, as well they should I would imagine, but at the same point in time it is giving me much distress. Asking was weird...but I hope they know it is out of respect and because I like them. (Them being both Mr. and Ms. N.) I am nervous though because Mr. N would have asked Sifu, but Sifu wasn't there last night, instead, Sifu T. was there and I don't know if he is a nice guy or not. Not that the rules would necessarily change, but it would be less nerve wracking if we could have just asked Sifu last night. Grrr. I don't know why I even bothered. This is making me crazy. Oh, and since Mr. N teaches sparring (the real kind, with contact and everything) and since I am now a Green Sash, he wants me to go. TONIGHT. I told him I would, but I am nervous as heck. I already told him that I don't want to get bruised up before the wedding, so he is going to be nice to me and ensure that I don't have any "badge of honor" bruises on my wedding day. I guess Ms. N was in the same position right before they got married, which I think is great. He told me that she went to sparring and said outright, "I'm getting married, I'm not sparring." That way you still get to do the drills and everything, but you don't have to worry so much about the bruising. Plus, you get to learn from watching. REALLY watching instead of sitting on the sidelines and taking a peek every once in a while. The whole thing is crazy. I told him I would go, though. Now I have to. AHHHHHH!!!!! This will automatically be the most nerve-wracking one. It has to be. There is no way around it. It will get easier every time. Ms. S said that the first 5 MONTHS were frustrating for her, but then she started to like it and now it is fun for her. And Mr. N told me last night that Ms. E (blue sash) took on Mr. H of her free will. (Big, HUGE, grunting Mr. H.) I can always look up to her, even though she is probably five inches SHORTER than me. Yikes. I need to get to that point. Maybe she has found a way to use her size to her advantage, but I keep thinking that all of her kicks would have to be REALLY high against someone like Mr. H. I need to work on my kicks.

Oh. Learned new kicks last night. They are COOL. And hard. I need to start practicing.

Pesimistic Outlook Proven Wrong

No problems at all with the b-listers. In fact, two of them almost started crying!! I was very moved, and felt bad that I had not invited them earlier, even though we would have been over the limit if anyone would have accepted that did indeed reject, if you get my meaning. No worries! It seems as though things will work out nicely in the long run after all.

YEAH!!

Another Day in Paradise

I have MUCH FUN for today. I brought 5 invitations to work for the 5 B-listers and their families that can now be invited to the wedding. I am very curious to see about the responses. People can be so weird sometimes. I hope everything goes well.

Aside from that, I don't have much to do. I have been so good about limiting my workload before the wedding, that I have limited myself out of work to do. That is actually a relatively dangerous position to be in with this current environment. Luckily for me, I live in a very small sphere and no one really knows what I do or how I do it. :) Lucky me!!!

B-Listers

We have gotten enough replies back for the wedding that we are now able to invite some B-Listers. The problem is that they are B-listers and some of them are going to be offended that they were not invited at the beginning. Yikes. I have already been running into problems with this. I only hope that people will be mature and just accept that it is difficult to determine who you can invite at first based on numbers alone. We shall see. The other problem is that I only have seven "nice" invites left, and the rest I will have to...invent. I have some card stock that we are using for the placecards and one of the favors and I think I will use that.

This is an adventure.

Green Sash Test

So I had my green sash test last night. Did not go as well as I would have hoped. I did acheive the sash, but I was very bad and forgot everything that Mr. N told me to do. Sifu was upset, you could tell, which I think is probably mostly because it is obvious that I care and that I try, but I have no natural talent for this endeavor. Sigh. This is hard for me. I am used to quitting things that are hard for me. I am turning over a new stone with this, I guess, but it is not a very happy stone. This much effort should RESULT in something. I am getting better incrementally. It is frustrating when you see someone who doesn't try at all and is better then you almost automatically.

I'm also very sore.

Movie thing

Tarzan!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla


I guess this is my movie. No problem with that.

Just wanted to say happy birthday

I just wanted to comment on one thing on my sister's blog, and now I am writing my own blog. Black Winged Bird was already taken, but truthfully, I think this is a better name for mine anyway. I may be the only stained glass crow in existence. For those of you that know me, that will make sense.