It's the blood...it's always the blood

I was going to comment on my sister's blog, but in this particular case, it isn't my place. Reason being, it was an apology letter of sorts, and it wasn't to me.

So instead I want to let you men who marry the women in my family (and may someday make MORE of them) know a little secret.

Along with the incredibly strong-minded, independent, intelligent, driven personality comes the self-doubting, manic-depressive flower. Don't get me wrong, we are not weak on any level, but there is a certain amount of fragility that comes along with the bloodline. Fragile not because of something so base as hormones, but rather because we put everything on the line, all the time. We are unspeakably honest in everything that we do. I am not saying that there isn't the occasional white lie (which I am good at, though my sister actually does NOT lie at all, ever) I am talking about baring your soul. When you meet me, you meet ME. There is no pretense. There is no falsehood. I do not know how to invent something other than who I am. I do not deal in situations while trying to manipulate the course of action to suit me. If I tell you I will do a job, I do it. And not only that, but I do it to the BEST of my ability.

That kind of openness and nakedness would break most people overnight. We have learned to cope with that, though. Because being that bare means that people can hurt you. Sometimes more easily than should be possible. Again, though, it isn't weakness to be honest. It is an incredible strength in its own right.

So if we ever seem crazy, or emotionally strained, or temperamental, just keep in mind how we live every day of our lives. The skin is incredibly thick, considering that all of it is always exposed. Think also of how you, or people you know, would function if they could be this honest. Not only honest with the world, but honest with themselves. I know all of my faults, and I acknowledge them. This is why the concept of "fishing for compliments" is foreign to me. I would never tell you that I am a bad photographer in the hopes of you telling me I was good. I would only tell you that if I had made an actual determination about some aspect of my work.

Now, before you go off and tell me I am a good photographer, let me expand the explanation. When I recently did a photo shoot for a golf tournament, the images were ruined, almost to the last one. Why? Because I didn't know the strength of fill flash that I needed to correctly compensate for the strong back-lighting of the sunny, hot landscape. So when I was commiserating over being a bad photographer, I was being honest with myself that I am a bad know-the-strength-of-the-fill-flash-that-you-need photographer. It is an admission that will allow me to learn and grow as a photographer. Do you see? If I blamed something else, like the film, or the camera, I wouldn't be able to grow from it, or learn from it. The problem, of course, is that I don't say that I am a bad know-the-strength-of-the-fill-flash-that-you-need photographer, I just say photographer.

But that is something else that you should know. We never fish for compliments. It is not in our nature, and we already treat them with skepticism. Although, my sister is trying to combat that attitude as well, with Compliment books and trying to understand and receive compliments graciously. I am going to try and learn from her. She is incredibly strong.

I think I rambled a bit more than intended.

Joss Me, Baby!!

Okay, so can anyone tell me why Joss Whedon is not currently encased in gold? He is brilliant. I admit that there are times when an episode of Buffy or Angel is slow, but on the extreme whole, they are amazing. And Firefly? No comparison! Never a dull moment. So why? Why is Joss not King? Why is TV Land so STUPID??? I am angry at how horrible television is now, so the fact that GOOD television is being canceled makes me glower with RAGE.

Saw the ends of a season each of Buffy and Angel and am now waiting for the next season to take the train down from LA. That is not a metaphor. And now I look at Tivo and am depressed, because the only things that I want to watch are CSI (seen them all), Invader Zim (may have seen them all), Scrubs (love it), The Venture Brothers (no comment), and The Gilmore Girls. Which leaves me about four hours of watchable TV a week.

I know, I know, I should read, or write, or 'rithmatic, but sometimes you need that vacant moment to drain from the day. Has Wonderfalls been released on DVD yet?

Nice blog!!

So, I was reading this blog, thinking, dang, that sounds really familiar, when I realized this is MY blog!! Pretty.

So, for those of you that are new to the blog block, I changed up my style. That is, I used someone's basic blog background and template because they rock and I am programically deficient. So, thank you person whose design I am using. I like it.

Shiny.

Best Week Ever

On Tuesday I quit my job.
On Tuesday night SPF and I were allowed back into our home and I was interviewed by two news stations.
On Wednesday I interviewed with a new company.
On Wednesday afternoon my U2 ticket was taken away. (This would not be positive.)
On Wednesday evening I fought for the ticket and got it back.
On Wednesday night I was offered the new position.
On Thursday three other departments in my company (hearing that I had resigned) offered me positions.

Pretty positive considering last week:
On Monday I had my review, it was condescending and inappreciative.
On Tuesday I fought for a promotion.
On Tuesday afternoon I was offered a pittance promotion that is beneath what I am ALREADY doing.
On Tuesday evening I fought for a higher promotion and didn't get it.
On Tuesday evening after that, I had a nervous breakdown in the office of a friend.
On Tuesday night I developed some sort of stress-induced pain.
On Tuesday night I didn't sleep.
On Wednesday afternoon I went home early with nausea.
On Wednesday night I didn't sleep.
On Thursday I stayed home from work in pain and exhausted.
On Thursday night I didn't sleep.
On Friday SPF and I were informed that we were being evacuated from our home due to a landslide.
On Friday night we drove to LA to stay with my sister.
Nervous breakdown number two.

YEAH!! Bad week over, really good week almost over, but still under my belt.

U2 Update

So....I do NOT have backstage passes. That was a misnomer. Sorry to raise anyone's hopes. I also will most likely NOT be meeting the band. Another miscommunication. No worries. I still have EXCELLENT tickets and a VIP entrance and a before show party, stuff like that. I guess we get dinner and valet parking and fun stuff like that. Oh, and a goodie bag with stuff that isn't available to the public, so that is cool.

Sooooo, wamez, I will give you back your booklet. Probably can't get it signed. I guess I can take it along anyway and try. No harm in that. Except that I might crush it...we should talk.

So, just thought I would update everyone. I wouldn't want anyone living vicariously through me to be upset about anything.

Blog of Rage

I would have gone with "irritation" or "agitation" to stay in line with the whole "tation" thing, but in truth, rage is a simple, exact, pure word.

That would be what I am feeling. Why, you ask? Because my a-hole boss grrr GRRR A RARRH ARGGHGGHHHHH!!!!

Nevermind.

Blog of Trepidation

I am not even entirely sure I know what that means...hang on.

Yeah. Merriam Websters says that it is "timorous uncertain agitation - aprehension."

That is not right. Let me try again.

Annual Review

I have my review in half an hour and I just found out that the one individual I could theoretically have as an underling has been promised to someone else. So, that pretty much solidifies that I am, once again, not going to get promoted. Big surprise.

I did, however, have an interview this week that went really well. It is a good position, it would be supervisory, it would be more than a 20% increase, and it actually sounds really fun.

I am trying not to count my chickens before they hatch, but I would really love this position, and the job description was written specifically for me (because I know the boss) and I am the front runner. That doesn't mean anything, necessarily, but I'll take what I can get.