But it isn't real!!

I went home a little early yesterday to compensate for the lack of sleep and extreme stress that I have been under for the past few weeks. I was exhausted, but not tired, so I watched my sister's copies of Buffy and Angel (seasons four and one) and vegged out for the remainder of the day. This would have been fine except for one thing. The last episode that I watched was really sad. Really, horribly sad and abrupt in its sadness. I didn't have any idea what was going to happen, but it really affected me.

So I called my sister to scold her for loaning me the DVDs, and she tells me more horrible news about that episode that made me even more sad.

The first bit of sadness was an emotional response to art, that I could have probably gotten over eventually (but, for those of you who know me, you will remember that it took me 3 months to finish Ender because I was so upset at the climax.) It was still sad, but it was art, it wasn't real.

But the second part of sadness was the reality behind it, and that still lingers. But here is where the interesting part is. The reality would never have upset me so much if the art hadn't been so depressing in the first place. Is that one of the tangible influences of art? I know the arguments that art brings you perspectives that you didn't have before, or shows you something you've never seen, or even elicits a self-realization, but why am I so sad about the demise of someone I have never met, nor had any connection with ever? Does that speak to the influence of the show, or does it say more about my own state of mind?

Puffy Puffy Reddy Eyeses

I had too much red wine last night. And a little too much crying. I am feeling very stagnant in life and it is sometimes overwhelming. I must apologize to SPF for having dragged him into crazy, unhappy land. Somehow the whole thing stemmed from CSI? I don't even remember now.

And all my muscles are VERY sore from sparring on Tuesday, so I also feel physically broken. And my leg bruise is no longer cool, but just tender and annoying. Okay, okay, it was never cool, but I can lie and say that it is a Kung Fu bruise to people who don't know.

Charlie's Angels

So, I may be crazy, but I spent time making Farrah hair this morning for a departmental picture. I was one of Charlie's Angels in a group of three. I was the middle angel.

Unappreciated and Angry

So, there is only so much abuse that any one person can stand from an employer. Granted, that threshold is different for everyone, but it exists. Personally, I think my threshold is relatively high. I have worked for misogynists, ladder-climbers, ego-maniacs, and incompetent boobs. I have survived all.

Until now, that is. There is something fundamentally wrong with being verbally praised by the department heads of every other department in your company buy your own, AND berated by YOUR department manager in the SAME MEETING!

Am I a threat? Is my intelligence encroaching upon sacred territory? Are you deaf, dumb, and blind? Not to mention that, if the 'threat' aspect is the reason for this behavior, I am LITERALLY FIVE JUMPS away from this creep's position in the company, and there is no way in great, screaming jehosaphat that I would, could, or should take on that position.

Sigh.

At least the other department heads know that I am a valuable contributor to the company. That has to speak for something, right?

Herrrooooo

I haven't blogged for a while and thought that I would drop a quick line. I am actually pretty busy at work preparing for an FDA QSIT Audit which should be a great experience, but very nerve wracking to prepare for.

I am not really doing anything else with my time right now. When I go home I am pretty much done for the day, so you can imagine all the activities that suffer. No Kung Fu, no piano, no writing. I can't even bring myself to hook up the new Xbox and continue my Halo campaign. I am emotionally and physically drained right now. I think the hectic holidays and illness had something to do with that, but I can't seem to shake this funk.

No matter. I am going to try to go to Kung Fu again tonight. I am fairly sure that I will go tonight, but then again I planned on going for the last two nights and didn't.

At any rate. Just thought I would give an update. I will keep updating when I get a chance. Wish me and my company luck with the FDA audit.