Get Me the Hell Out of Here

I just saw an infomercial for a new fitness regime called "Flirty Girl." On the whole, no big deal. Sexy dance moves that you can use to get in shape, not really a new concept.

Until they encouraged you to ask your infomercial operator how you can try your own Flirty Girl Fitness Pole in your home for 30 days for just $1.00.

Fitness Pole.

I hate being home during the day. I need a freaking job.

Tiny Distraction

I was supposed to be meeting one of my MFA committee members for a discussion of a job application, my MFA project, and my CV. He was characteristically late. Not to worry. I thought instead I would write a new artist statement to fit with the body of work I intend to send as part of the job app. But, alas, I was more fascinated by the kitten curling about the legs of the wooden chairs on the patio, tangling up her body harness leash and preventing her lurches for freedom in greater increments. She was a beautiful little thing, lithe and golden, speckled like a leopard. She was drawing attention I think because she was a cat on a leash, but her coloring and tenacity should have been more highly regarded. She almost knocked over the leash-bearer’s venti chai three times. He became fairly spry in redirecting her, the leash, and the chai in a fervent dance to avoid disaster. The most amusing thing of all is that he would read a quarter of a page or so of his paperback before repeating the whole scenario again. Perhaps she inherited the tenacity from him.

The Office

As part of finishing the closet project we revealed the actual state of the spare bedroom, which was not good. The space was poorly used and had been under a heap of closet junk for so long that new piles had formed on the outskirts of the disaster zone, creating little tide pools of mini-disaster. Every available shelf was utilized, but not well or in any semblance of a cohesive or comprehensive order. Little piles of "give away" and "I need to deal with this" cropped up and we were faced with the fact that, despite the closet success, the spare bedroom was still hopelessly useless.

I can't actually impress upon you how much worse it was before we removed the closet droppings, but believe me, these two images are already a 100% improvement of what it was, but that is not to say that the room was in good shape at all. (Notice the table lamp hanging next to the window. That was our only light source in the room. Also notice the inappropriately sized wooden horizontal blinds.)



So we started the process of refining the mess. The nice thing about deciding that you want to reorganize a room is that all heavy furniture must first be cleared of any weight, which meant that all of the bookshelves and the photo shelf had to be cleared of every item prior to reorganizing the room. This process took several days because we applied the same logic here that we did on the closet: nothing goes back on a shelf that is not being kept for a specific purpose and that will be used again.

Clearing the shelves was the first task. We started with the left side of the room. (Again, notice the lamp. Tacky, we know.)


Once emptied, the shelves could be refilled. The photo shelf was fairly easy because it holds mostly images, negatives, prints, and equipment. All of those things are still being kept, so I was able to weed out the few old frames and unwanted shelf debris fairly quickly. SPF's bookshelf was another matter entirely. The heaps of books and memorabilia laid in the middle of the room for another day. (Notice the lamp is gone. That would be because we accidentally knocked it down while moving the corner bookshelf and it shattered. I didn't know paper could shatter, but it can, and it did.)


Once that pile had been addressed, we had new piles of give away books and I started with the right side of the room. We were also able to put the Papasan in a logical and functional place. We were also forced to determine a new way to light the room, so an actual floor lamp that can fill the room with 150watts of light was purchased from Home Depot Expo. It turns out to be a much better, and much more elegant, solution to the lighting issues of the room.

Once the left side of the room was stabilized, we moved everything on the right side of the room to get access to the coveted space by the window. I wanted to set the desk up in this area because it has nice light, it is at the back of the room, and where it was located it was in the way the moment you entered the room. Seeing as how I am going to be staying down here a great deal more but am still self-employed, I needed a space that I could work that felt a little more feng shui. This is much, much nicer. (Notice that the wooden blinds have been replaced with cream colored sheers and drapes that were retasked from the living room as well as a new, and very fancy, double curtain rod that holds both the sheers and the curtains.)



Then I was faced with putting everything in the middle of the room back onto the shelves. I was able to get rid of so many things that we didn't need anymore (for example, receipts from the wedding for flowers and what not) that we were able to take some of the overflow of SPF's bookshelf and put it on mine. Even better than that, we have available shelves for future use, as of yet undesignated.

In these images the room still looks a little cluttered, but that will soon pass as well. The thing about cleaning out what you don't need to this extent is that you end up wanting to clean every space, wanting to weed out all of those old furbies and sweatshirts and novels that you hated or textbooks that you never understood. Good by "Chemistry the Easy Way" (my ass) and hello open, fabulous space. So...a lot of the clutter that is currently in this room is really clutter from the hall closet that has now been emptied so that I can start the demo.

Back in the Closet!

As of last night we have officially moved into the new closet! We didn't photographically document the process, sorry, but I wanted to give you a brief recap of what we did do so that you can see how amazing this new closet really is!

Remember that when we started the original closet was poorly installed with only two tall shelves and hanging bars along either wall. Also, remember that the electrical box backs up to the shower wall. Yeah, smart. Not our fault, but we waterproofed and protected it from the backside. When the closet was originally installed the shelf supports were not attached to studs, so the supports, the shelves, and the drywall all buckled and sagged. It made for fun times when a large, heavy truck would roll by on the driveway above our unit - things would go flying. And imagine the fun when we had our earthquake. In the images below you have the initial status of the closet. Notice the middle image, where the support structure is peeling away from the shelving. Yeah.


So, we ripped out everything. The shelves were torn down, the drywall cut out where it was destroyed, the old tile removed, the light fixture moved to the middle of the closet (I know, clever, right?) and the whole closet was retextured, reprimed, and repainted. These would be the three steps illustrated below. SPF retextured with a fun little funneling texture spray gun thingy and I primed and painted. We also continued the gorgeous reddish brown tile from the bathroom into the closet. I did a lot of that.


Two major components are not pictured here, so let me describe them.

One, everything that was in the closet was taken out and placed in our spare bedroom for safe keeping until the closet was done. This was the case for months. The spare bedroom became a giant, horribly organized, desheveled mess of clothes, boxes, toys, equipment, gear, a dresser, and junk. It was insane. We no longer had a spare bedroom. Instead, we had another giant walk-in closet that was sadly intimidating. We didn't want to go in that room at all. It was icky.

Two, we ordered and installed a premade closet from the wonderful and highly helpful people at easyclosets.com. If you need a new closet, please go here. These people are wonderful. And be sure that you call them and talk to them before you order it because they have wonderful input and advice. The shipment came one Tuesday morning in fourteen boxes delivered by a very friendly, but initially annoyed, UPS man. He could only shake his head and chuckle when I flung open the front door shrieking, "Do you have fourteen boxes for me?!?" SPF installed the entire closet structure in about an hour, he says. There is no documentation because I wasn't here. However, there is also no documentation of the process of taking the dreaded closet room and transferring it back to the rightful location of actually in a closet. I had one rule. Nothing goes into the closet that hasn't been evaluated and determined that we are going to use it again and actually want to keep it. This process resulted in a car full of items to be sold to second hand clothing and book stores and given to the Salvation Army. My entire car. Bags and boxes, a dresser, a shoe rack, blinds (both vertical and horizontal), toys, frames, art, electronics. Anything and everything that we had been packratting for no reason at all. The result is a full, but entirely functional, closet that we both love and call our very own fabulous new closet.

Sorry

The following is a recap of true events of the other night.

SPF and I were rearranging the spare bedroom (now the Office) to be a cohesive workspace for me. While cleaning off the bookshelves I found my old Bic lighter.

Me - I love these things, they are so reliable.

I click it a couple of times and a tiny flame ensues. I turn up the flame and a huge flame ensues. Like Goldilocks, I turned it to the middle and it was just right. Until it didn't light anymore.

Me - Hmm. It is making a weird hissing noise.

I click it again and immediately my hand is engulfed in butane-fueled flames. SPF and I both gasped and then furiously puffed and spit at my hand until the flames went away.

SPF - I know you like magic, but that was not cool.
Me - I'm sorry I lit my hand on fire.