Gray Fuzzy Death Monster

I have a spider in my office. I found him this morning (and yes, it is a he, much as most Greek monsters were inexplicably female.) I was preparing for a supplier audit tomorrow, which prompted me to move my laptop bag and retrieve the disc drive to replace my DVD rom drive and there he was. I told myself he must be dead, for he didn't move. So I put the bag down slowly, backed out of my office, and walked to my best friend's cube and asked him to kill a spider for me. He said, "sure."

He grabbed a mug (his favorite, I might add, which made me shuddery) and a piece of paper and walked out of his cube. Then he went back and grabbed a laminated brochure instead of the paper (which had more substance to it, so I was slightly relieved, not able to imagine the usage of the paper as a tool against the lurking evil.) Then we marched back to my cube (on the way he exchanged his mug for a styrofoam cup, much to my relief, as I would have had to secretly dispose of the mug if it had been used.) I let him go in first, but I could still see from the doorway that the gray, fuzzy, death monster had moved.

Crap.

We looked everywhere. We even grabbed my emergency flashlight to probe around in the dark places, but it didn't work. (Damn!!) He moved papers, lifted pencil holders, opened cabinets, and searched for it, all to no avail.

It is still in here. Of that I am certain. It was too big to get away unnoticed, but we can't find it!! Now I am jumpy and nervous and it is very hard to concentrate. My legs are very itchy with psychosomatic crawlies and red and stingy from where I keep slapping them. My socks keep falling down, too, so now I am certain that it is going to find its way into my shoe. That is where it wants to be. I need duct tape.