What the Heck am I Doing?

So, I am now in my late twenties. I know that shouldn't upset me, and in truth, in the general "My youth is almost gone" way it isn't bothering me, but there is just something that I am not comfortable with, and that is my current state in life.

Now before you all get up in arms, let me explain.

I have begun writing again for the first time in about a year. My first book took me over ten years to finish (and, to be honest, I am not sure it really is "finished".)

My second book took me over five years to "finish" and at that point I sent it to TOR, was rejected, and am now starting it over from SCRATCH.

My third book is 3/4s of the way completed and I have abandoned it with the knowledge that it is crap and needs to have a solid foundation of story for it to be built on, and that story rests firmly in the foundation of my second book, referred to as "Book 1." (Book 1 of this series.)

I haven't picked up my camera in months (except to take pictures of the Armageddon that has become my complex) and why? Because I failed miserably at my first shot at a real, professional shoot. Great.

So why am I upset? I guess most of the answer to that question is obvious, but I want to add that I am also upset because I have obviously not learned how to deal with failure. I recognize as a cognitive creative person that I will never succeed if I don't figure out how to learn from failure and become adept at proceeding on my path despite the failure. Not only despite it, but in part because of it. Have I done this? No. Can I? I am starting to doubt that I can. If I get rejected again, or if my work is terrible, I don't see any continuation on this path, which leaves me what? Corporate America forever, that's what.

So why am I really upset? Because I have now written two functional databases in Microsoft Access 2003. I am more adept at the corporate functions than I am at the creative. I have eased the flow of work processing, reduced the potential for data entry error, and increased the demonstration of compliance for a small, medical device company.

This has taken the path of career instead of paycheck.

I am in my late twenties, I am creatively stunted, and I am good at my career-job.

This was never supposed to be.