Gray Day

It has started raining again. Now that the wall is mostly completed, the rain doesn't give me as much anxiety, but the big crack in the foundation that I found when I pulled up some carpet yesterday made my heart sink again.

So today I sat in my car at the duck pond and watched them go about their normal lives despite the drizzle. They were deprived of most of their handouts as patrons jogged back to their cars when the heaviness of the rain picked up, but they were still fed by the couple that comes every day at noon. The big geese were more aggressive, having been prevented from their usual buffet. They scared away another family that was braving the weather when they overpowered the stroller to try and find goodies on the baby. The father literally ran away, stroller in front of him like a plow through the fields of feathers and squawking beaks. Some of the geese have gotten so lethargic that they tired after a few flaps and ended up waddling away at a ridiculous pace.

On days like this it is hard for me to focus, especially given my current circumstances. My one goal is to assist my boss in anything that she needs. So far, that has been enough of a goal to keep me relatively occupied, but even with her direction and my desire to assist her, I find my motivation taking a sharp decline. On some days I think I have done pretty well to have given notice five months ago and still be diligently working, but that mindset is a precursor to defending my laziness on days like today.

I want to be an effective employee! There are projects that I want to complete and initiate not only for the benefit of my successor, but for the good of the company. There are procedures and processes that I have spent a great deal of time putting together that I am almost certain would fall by the wayside if I do not complete them before my departure. Two months should be plenty of time to complete them, but when you consider that I will be training my replacement, whoever she might be, and pursuing closure of handfuls of small tasks, the looming projects are easily overlooked. I can't decide if it would be better to complete the large projects and overwhelm my replacement with tedium. Probably. That is what I intend to do, but the maintenance processes are becoming all-consuming, and every week I take one step forward and two steps back.

The lack of motivation doesn't help. Neither does the gray day. It matches the ceiling and the walls and the desk that surround me.