Paranoid Arachnophobic Peep Show

The other day when I got home from work my garage was blocked in by the diligent and proactive worker's that the HOA had hired to tarp over the pit to prevent further land slippage during the rainy season. As I not only admire but also delight in the work that they were doing, I parked in a visitor's spot and walked to my condo.

As I traversed the walking path that leads to our patio I was straining to hear what the worker's were talking about, as any activity in that realm is exciting to those of us in wait, and I did not pay attention to the path and walked through a spider web. This eeked me out and I quickly brushed off the remnants, but was not overly concerned as it seemed more like a single thread and not an entire web.

I walked up to my front door, unlocked the security door and walked inside. It was then that I felt the unnerving itch of movement on my shoulder. As I looked down to investigate, turning my shoulder towards my face, I saw giant spider legs climbing up my back and into my hair.

I screamed.
I tore my purse off my shoulder.
I threw my keys.
I ripped my shirt off and threw it on the ground.
I looked up and saw the workers who all had a clear view of the event.
I ran to the other side of the house.

After I was able to calm down a little, I grabbed a fleece from the banister and threw it on, taking note of where both cats were focusing their rapt attention. I backed into the kitchen, keeping my eyes on the spot where the cats' eyes were focused. When my line of sight was interrupted, I dashed for the cupboard, extracted one of our heavy glasses and dashed back into view.

The cats at this point were batting at my purse. Knowing full well that the don't find my wallet of any interest, I assumed appropriately that the menace was under and/or near the purse. In fact, he was perched ON TOP of it, with his forelegs raised as if to fend off the GIANT, SPIDER-EATING MAMMALS!! In one fell swoop, for I could not have survived a slow pursuit, I snatched the purse out from under him and threw the glass on top of him.

The cats began to swipe at the glass now that there was something underneath it that was running in circles, trying to claw its way out of its new prison. Panicked that they would knock it over, I placed a book on top of the glass and yelled at the cats whenever they got close to it. At this point I waited for my husband to return from work.

When he did I felt a little safer and insisted on a picture of my attacker. Although this was difficult for me to take, because when I zoomed in on him it freaked me out and I dropped the camera. So I looped the camera string about my wrist and edged close enough to get a good shot and took several. Then my wonderful husband got a piece of cardboard and slid it under the glass, escorting him outside and into the pit.

I followed at a safe distance.

Once he had released the demon he started to dance around a bit. I took a step backwards. Relatively calmly he walked back towards me with his arms spread eagle. "Spider check." He said, at first calmly. "Spider check! Spider check!"

I, being of sound mind and body, backed away feverishly. "Hell no!"

In the excitement, I swung my arms up to stop his approach. The camera, still hanging off of my wrist, made a graceful arc in the air and creamed me right between the eyes. I actually did see stars for a second.

I had a welt for three days and still have pain at the impact site.